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| What's up with her? |
| 03.31.04 (12:12 pm) [edit] |
I got this message today, as an email... I really wish i would've written it to everybody. But I think posting it is as good-
I beleive in it...
There comes a time in every woman's life when she has to take a close look at herself. Not at her circumstance, not at what she did, not how unfair life is, or not at whom made you do it. She has to just look at herself in all her glory and imperfection.
For many women this is a scary thing because often times they don't want to know the truth about themselves. Virtuous women know what I mean.
As women, we have a tendency to water one another down. Maybe it makes us feel good or look better than the next woman. Or maybe we just don't know how to tell that woman how we admire her. In reality we really need to look at ourselves, and the pain we project towards other women.
Have you ever admired a woman who has been through changes in her life? Or have you made up in your mind that she is just messed up. Before you make this mistake, take a closer look. A woman who has endured the most unusual life is someone of wisdom, someone who has been chosen by God to go through things that have made her stronger.
Think of all the great women in the bible: Mary Magdalene, Ruth and Naomi, the woman with an issue of blood flow, and Esther, to name a few. Mary was a prostitute, a very uneasy woman. But by the time Jesus was done with her, she was His closest follower. Esther was unfortunate in marrying an abusive man, but by the time God was done with her, she had married one of the wealthiest men in the land.
Women are so quick to beat the next one down instead of trying to hold her up. Before you wonder, "What's up with her?" ask yourself, "What's up with me?" Why do I beat down another woman to build myself up? That woman could be my mother, sister, aunt, in-law, stepmother, niece, grandmother, great-grandmother, neighbor, friend, or co-worker, etc. That woman could just be me. Women are the carriers of life, not the channels of death. Let's build and encourage each other, as did Ruth and Naomi.
Encourage and Love, Forgive and Forget, and trust that the woman that receives this will be touched in some way.
May peace and love be upon you.
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| Is anyone out there trying to quit smoking too?! |
| 03.30.04 (6:18 pm) [edit] |
I’m trying to quit smoking… You know, it was not that hard, at first (of course I mean since Saturday). I smoked a total of 3 cigarettes this weekend. That is NOTHING. I mean, I thought I had practically quit…
Monday I only smoked 3. Which compared to the weekend is a lot more, but it’s still nothing-
Then comes today…. OH MY GOD!!!!
I’m going crazy… I keep looking for food in the refrigerator. And truthfully, I can’t stop wanting to smash my head against something. I’ve only smoked 1 today!! So far… but all I want to do is run to the 7-day store and buy me a “just-in-case” pack.
Am I supposed to sleep better now?! Because if I am, some one please clue my anxiety disordered ass!! Maybe the lack of sex isn’t helping. Maybe it’s a bad time to [u][b]start quitting[/b]. [/u]I guess I gotta pick up on the masterb- I mean, frustration!
I just talked to me SSgt and he said I looked green… I KNOW IT’S FROM NOT SMOKING!! That’s it; I don’t want to die people… I have to smoke…just one… One puff.. One sweet little puff of a Menthol.. MMmmmmm
Right now, I would smoke any brand, any flavor… fuck it, I’ll dip- no, not dippin’. Thanks to J Rod I almost died from dippin’ once. Lol)*
*My husband hasn’t called me today- he said he’d call me at work (dsn). If you read this Mike, CALL ME MOTHER FUCKER. I’M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS!!!!! I AIN’T PLAYING WIT’YA EITHER!!
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| "Exercise makes endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands. |
| 03.29.04 (3:48 pm) [edit] |
What’s the point of loosing weight if you can’t eat?
I ate two plates of food for chow. There goes the workout at the gym…
Let me start by explaining this; I’m only 5 ft tall. I just had a baby 3 months ago so you know I gained weight… Before the baby, I got to weight down to 105 lbs. Well, I went to weight myself today and guess what people?!? I weight 113!!! (Well I mean , that’s with shoes on.. Without it was 111)
How exciting is that?!?! Truthfully, it’s all in the ass and thighs right now-, which I’m telling you, my husband doesn’t mind-
But I want to be that short, well, I can’t have that big of a butt or it just looks weird… Shhhit, even J Lo lost some of her ass when she lost weight… It’s the rule. Your ass can’t be bigger than your entire body. Anyway, I’m still quite proud of myself…
I sent my parents a third care package since I’ve been here… I hope they get it, the first two have gotten lost and I never heard of it. Except for when I called UPS they said it was signed for… I think I got the correct address this time.
I got the blankets my husband sent from Korea… CAN ANYONE SAY HUGE?!? Dude, they are beautiful though. One has the moon and the stars and the Sun, and the other one has a Dragon (I guess that one’s for him, I don’t care, that one’s gay). They are Mink and he’s gonna send some silk ones. I’m excited cause he says he found some BURBERRY (wanna be’s) pink outfit that I would love… I LOVE Burberry, it’s so Elegant and “Royalty-like”. That reminds me of the lotions my mom bought at that store and the next day it was like my best friend’s birthday but I didn’t know until that night when we were going out, and I was like “oh, yeah, I almost forgot to give you what I bought you” and then I went inside the house grabbed the lotion set and wrapped it up in some gift wrap paper (I always keep the wrapping paper from my gifts-it’s a thing I have), and came out and gave it to her… “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! You thought I forgot huh?!” she opened it and was like “Thanks” and threw it in back of her car with little importance and we drove off to the party… My mom was asking for it for like 2 weeks straight. And every time she bought anything expensive she’d come home and say “DON’T BE GIVING THIS TO YOUR FRIENDS! I KNOW YOU GAVE MY BURBERRY LOTION SET AWAY”
“NO I didn’t!!!” I would say all the time… lol)*
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| We're so over we need a new word for over. (Sex and the City- Carrie to Mr Big)* |
| 03.26.04 (10:27 am) [edit] |
Kitty and La Diabla text messaged me…. I was sleeping and it all seems blurry to me.
JP called me. We talked for a little bit until I started getting another ‘long distance call’, me thinking it was the hubby picked it up excited only to hear another familiar voice. Yes ladies and gentleman, the ex.
He said he had just call to say hi while he was down here. DOWN HERE WHERE?! That was my question. Apparently, down here in Hawaii.
Ooooooohh I get it now… So all of the sudden you started to call me when you found out you might be passing by ‘down here’. You confess you still think of me ‘even when you’re with your girlfriend’ and probably expect me to say something back like “oh yeah… me too”. Well truthfully, I don’t. I don’t ever think of you the way I used to… (Not with the same feelings anyway.) Back to the story, I’m sure as shit that you’re gonna read this, that you’ve read the other posts about my husband being gone. And all along I thought you actually wanted to talk to me!!! I am getting pissed just thinking about this whole thing… SHIT I was having a good freaking day too)* I was gonna talk about how wonderful the tall tree that stands by the balcony of my apartment was cause it has pink/purplish flowers. And how the sun was bright and my baby’s smile made me all tingly inside…. But now that I think about the whole situation-
AGGHHh!! He just wanted to ‘pass’ by real quick and hit that shit and go!!!
If you’re reading this- I have NOTHING to say to you EVER again. FUCK OFF! And don’t ever dial my number again… (BASTARD! Just like the rest of them)
(Breath in, breath out)*
Anyway… when i used to watch sex and the city Carrie's relashionship reminded me of what we had....
Mr. Big: Hey, have you got a light?
Carrie: I quit.
Mr. Big: Aw, we always used to share a cigarette together.
Carrie: We did a lot of things that were bad for me together
(sex and the city)*
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| "After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday..." |
| 03.25.04 (3:50 pm) [edit] |
I’m getting upset… Everybody seems to be having the time of his or her lives except for mom (me). I want to go out. One time… I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love my beibi…. More than anything, but Damn?! Give the girl a break!!
I stood duty on Tuesday all night with the baby there. I had no one that could watch him… I mean, yeah, I had an offer (Sgt J) but she already has a little baby and is like 7 months prego. Besides, we all know that you don’t just give your baby out to anyone… People without kids don’t understand that.
It’s okay… I slept the next afternoon from like 1200 to like 9pm when Kitty called to let me know I missed the O.C. (It’s the happening show now that Sex and the City ended).
Now tonight is NCO appreciation night… and of course I can’t go. I haven’t been to one yet and I’m getting out in like 4 more months… I don’t think I’m gonna be able to experience one.
Right now I feel like Eeyore from Winney the Pooh, (which I’ve been watching A LOT!!)…
I know this is gonna sound bad, but when my hubby was here I took so much advantage of him taking care of the baby I’m going crazy being at home all the time. I was telling my Sgt how NOW I have to be all responsible and stay at home with ‘the most beautiful baby in the world’… he laughed, and said, doesn’t sound so bad. It isn’t people, and I’m not really complaining, it’s just hard to have to change just like that one day. I feel like a smoker who’s trying to quit and keeps reaching for the cigarette every ten minutes… except I keep reaching for the ‘good time’ with my friends. It’s not really the drinking I miss- I’m usually happy with one beer, two the most. It’s the company that keeps haunting me…
Well-
That’s all I have today. Oh yeah, the hubby comes back on the 12th. CAN’T WAIT!!!!??!?!
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| just the way i am... |
| 03.22.04 (12:28 pm) [edit] |
Okay, I just thought about this as I was reading trickster’s Blog. I wanna apologize for my bad habit of not picking up the phone. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you (whoever it is that calls); I’m just lazy like that. It’s been that way all my life…
Oh, with that let me also say that yeah, I don’t call anyone either. Even when I DO want to talk I dread actually pressing those little buttons on my phone. I have no life, and barely anything to talk about anymore.
I hate making plans because if I don’t do what I plan at that moment I’d probably change my mind and not do it at all, (Silent, u know that better than anyone). Funny thing is I would actually get all dressed up but when it’s time to leave I’ll be like ‘nah, never mind… I changed my mind.’
I think my husband gets it the worse. He makes fun of me because of the way I order my food. I take forever because I can’t make up my mind and then when I actually choose, I end up making it very difficult (special). It’s always something stupid like, “yeah, can I have extra lettuce on that?” (Don’t laugh; my philosophy is, if I get full with lettuce than I eat other less fattening foods).
Anyway, I just wanted to apologize if I haven’t picked up your phone call, or if I don’t call you very often-
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| how i feel today- |
| 03.18.04 (10:58 am) [edit] |
My horoscope
Temptation is a powerful lure when you've already been there once. The stars urge you to be reasonable. The strength of your grip could damage something that was never meant to be held so tightly.
My husband has not called me since I hung up on him-
I’m afraid he might be getting back at me for shit I did… stupid shit. I keep thinking and making up images of different scenarios in my head. How much he’s been drinking lately and the people he’s been hanging around. The place he’s at and the things that could easily happen if he allowed them to.
I talked to a friend who made me realize that there’s no point to it. If he forgave me, why would he do that to me? Well- let me let you know what I think…
People changed their minds. Maybe I’m losing him and here I am thinking everything is out-
By the way, ‘he’s been writing’. He said he’d let me read them when he comes back… I don’t know… He said it might hurt me.
I don’t blame him…
I just want to die.
Whatever it is, I just need to know. I can handle it as long as I know what’s going on. JUST LET ME KNOW THE TRUTH.
That’s all I need. I think I deserve that much. I gave him that…
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| story of the ex (MY side of the story) |
| 03.17.04 (11:12 am) [edit] |
I think the whole world and their moms know how much I loved this guy. He was everything I ever wanted (well, I could do without a few things), but I didn’t care. He was easy going and good looking (looked a little like 'the rock'). And well, the sex was great. I think that his ambitions turned me on too- you know, the kind of guy that won’t let anything stop him to achieve his dreams…
Unfortunately, I wasn’t part of his dreams. Or, let’s just say, I was always second best. Which then, it didn’t really matter. He was the light of my eyes….
But, let’s just say that he had many others in mind, and other places too!
Since we were in school, all my friends ever told me about him was that he was with so-and-so last night. “Oh but she’s with him too” “he hit on her” “I saw him with “girl’s-name”. Even the red head (ex) would come to me and tell me what they ‘did’ the day before. One of his so called friends, I had in one of my classes, would tell me EVERYTHING he knew and saw. And well girls, u know how it goes… “But… He said it wasn’t true?!?!”
Truthfully I didn’t care. I never asked questions, which I should’ve. Important questions like “Why are we going to the Olive Garden all the way in ‘another town’ rather than the one by the house?” ummm Dumb ass!!! Because then we could run into another one of his “girl friends”. “How come that girl at the theatres didn’t know we were together? And why is she looking at you like you owe her money?” (Wait, I think I did ask him that time).
I had a girl once come looking for me at MY HOUSE, telling me how he wrote her all these letters when he went to boot camp (USNavy), and ME, the ‘girlfriend’ did not get NOTHING!! Do you know how that made me feel?
She went to say by to him at the airport!!! She met the parents… and me?!?! NOTHING!
Needless to say that it crushed me…
Then I got to Hawaii and met the man who is my husband now- And when I saw him I ‘knew’ immediately, I was gonna hit that! lol
[b]Flashback
(first time I saw my husband)*[/b]
“Look at that, fresh meat” ma said to us during the battalion function. We looked over at the volleyball courts and saw the cutest guy…
“Yeah he’s kind of cute, I checked him in” said silent. “He’s single”. The beauty of being and admin clerk is knowing everybody’s personal business… J
“Who’s gonna hit that?” said Beautiful eyes (you know vanative, the one with ‘the eyes’)
“Shit, I’ll hit that!” said ma
“I bet you I’ll hit it first…” I said to them, we laughed “I’ll let you have him when I’m done”.
We sat there drinking our ‘drinks’, as we watched them jump around without their shirts… MmMmMmm sluts! (that one’s for the diabla).
[b]Flashback end[/b]
Why am i bringing this up then, you ask? Because... well, because- (let's just leave it at that)* Anyway, it took me forever to forget him, and little to say all I had. I hurt my husband many times because I was confused. We rushed into our marriage and we realized that many times… but I wouldn’t take it back. I love my husband more than I ever loved any one else…
How about that, it all started as a booty call-
Sorry ma)* there’s not gonna be any passing of the ass this time! (not that we ever did it)*
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| love bites* |
| 03.16.04 (3:32 pm) [edit] |
We got into an argument last night… about money of course. You think you’re right, and well- I KNOW I’m right.
I don’t know what to say about it except that it hurt me. Being so far apart it’s not worth it. I’m willing to do the things you want me to- but let’s not fight anymore…
I got mad and as I usually do I didn’t want to talk about it- so I hung up on you. As soon as I pressed that ‘end’ button my tears fell, as if they were anxiously waiting for a reason to drop.
I waited for you to call me back- though in my heart I knew you wouldn’t. I know guys like you… I KNOW YOU. I laid on the bed waiting… And waiting… and thought you might’ve picked up the phone and called someone else… and old love, some one else but me-
I miss you-
And I’m sorry I hung up. Please call me soon….
(teary eyed)
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| POINTLESS CONVERSATION |
| 03.15.04 (4:44 pm) [edit] |
[b]me-[/b] good morning ladies..
[b]kitty-[/b] Morning...
[b]la diabla-[/b] Hey guys what's up. Hey wednesday is St. Patty's Day and I expect all of you to come and give me kisses. Cause I am irish!!! he, he.
[b]Kitty- [/b]you weirdo..I'm not kissing you...if you were a cute guy then maybe I would think about it...
[b]Me- [/b] I'LL KISS YOU.. both.
even YOU kitty.. i'll make you irish for that day!!
lol
[b]Kitty-[/b] uhhh..no thanks
[b]la diabla -[/b] you are such a party pooper
[b]me- [/b]it's not up to you kitty...i already made up my mind!! lol
[b]la diabla-[/b] Yeah buddy.
[b]Kitty-[/b] oooohhhh..so your gonna catch me by surprise...good one there..I dont think it will happen...
[b]me-[/b] hey diabla i think she WANTS me to do it)*
watch... i'll do it too!!!
[b]la diabla-[/b] yeah can i video tape?? We can sell it on ebay!
[b]kitty- [/b] noooo..that is evidence there....
[b]me- [/b] shhhitt, after the pics i took this weekend with my polaroid i'm about to start my own website and [b]charge...
kitty- [/b] i need that same job to get money..ha.ha..
[b]me- [/b] dude i really think i'm gonna do that.
like not naked, but like 'nice-n-naughty' kind of pics...
soooOOO who wants to borrow the polaroid?!
[b]kitty- [/b] ooohhhh..,.me..me..ha..ha...to take some of my fat @$$...
[b]me- [/b] KoOl.
I'm bringing it tomorrow... i told you, there's so many lonely Marines in Iraq that never receive letters-
u can send them to them*
don't let them know you're a marine too though. use like a fake name or something.
[b]la diabla- [/b] you guys are crazy. just think of what they are gonna be doing to them pics. yucky
[b]me-[/b] poor little marines though..
we gotta do something from over here... we could call it like CSS FM (acronym for "Combat Support Service Female Marines")
[b]la diabla-[/b] Yeah though you didn't want them to know that you are marines?
[b]me-[/b] oh no shit huh?
now we gotta think of something else....
[b]la diabla- [/b] yeah be the CSS-4 MM's. (Combat Service Support 4 Mail (male) Marines)
[b]me- [/b] hello u going to chow??!?!?!
[u][b]no answer-chow is now over[/b][/u]
[b]la diabla- [/b] can't lady, had to just run home and grab women supplies and then grab something and come back.
[b]me- [/b] women supplies?!oooOOOoh never mind-my bad! i was thinking 'war supplies'- i guess you could call them war supplies too)*
[b]la diabla-[/b] UUMMM.....yeah okay i will allow that, "Operation Baby Maker" Mission: plug the hole.
[b]me-[/b] good one. five points for you!!
THE END
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| start a porn websitie... a nice one* |
| 03.15.04 (3:08 pm) [edit] |
Let me see, I have a few things to say about this weekend…
I was lonely and bored all weekend. So Sat. night, I strapped the baby in his car seat and went to Wal-mart. On my way there, I cried. I got sentimental ‘cause it was raining. Just because it was “the thing” the hubby and me used to do… when we were bored. I LOVE THAT PLACE- it has it ALL!!
Anyways- I got there and bought a whole new bathroom set, a nice satin comforter and rug- they all match!!
I also bought a Polaroid camera! With a self-timer!!!!!!!! You know what that means; I can take pictures of MYSELF. Freaky pictures!!
Let’s just say, my husband is gonna be one happy camper… (I really got into it too)*
I’m gonna send them today. I gotta stop at the postal office here on base and send them. Oh yeah, with ANOTHER ‘sex’ letter!
At least this time I didn’t have to talk to anyone about porn… lol**
I told ‘Kitty” about it yesterday when she called and I gotta bring it tomorrow… (I know “la diabla” wants to take some too)*
So I was so proud of my pics I was thinking of getting an actual website and charging to have people see them. REALLY people, I gots to pay them bills!!!
Maybe eventually I could be the next Hugh Heffner (however you spell it). I would call it…
(Thinking, thinking, thinking…. scratching head…. Thinking…)
SukrMom2- (wow that was original!!)
Then you all could know it’s me- lol
Anyway, so the hubby called and said he went out on Fri. night and got FUCKED UP! Apparently it must’ve been really good when he can’t remember ANYTHING that happened. U know what?!?! I’m not stupid, that’s the excuse ‘guilty’ people use when they want to take back something they did or said that they regret the next day-
I’ve heard stories of what those Phillipino/Korean women do to Marines down there. And I’d bet just about anything he ain’t wearing his wedding ring. To tell you the truth, sometimes I don’t wear it either- but there’s not a single person here that doesn’t know I’m married, so if anyone’s gonna hit on me, they’d do it with or without the ring. Either way, I always let them know-
Anyway, let’s not lose focus here, this is about what HE did wrong- NOT ME)*
In conclusion, no, I’m not sweating it- I can’t really say he did anything and besides, my husband is a really good man- to me. And I love him deeply, so until I KNOW, I’ll just go on with my marry self.
Well, I got more to tell, but I can’t right now-right now. I’ll let you all know later-later
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| you said what?!?! |
| 03.12.04 (10:05 am) [edit] |
I've got a story that happened a few days ago... It's about a package i wanted to send to my husband in Korea. So after work i went to the Exchange to see what kind of stuff i wanted to send him. I figured i didn't want to send him too much stuff, or anything that he has to bring back because he's already planning to bring back other things they sell over there (silk bedsets, komonos {for me}, and all kinds of other nice stuff they sell there really cheap).
So as i was looking around and decided to send him some hawaiian chocolates, a mens' health magazine, and i also bought him a pen. I KNOW IT SOUNDS RETARDED. oh WOW a PEN?!?!?
well, he's a "Finance Technician" a Pay clerk... as an ADMIN clerk myself, i know the importance of having my own pen, that no one else can steal because it's so different. lol (look, it's soppoussed to be the most comfortable pen in the world... or as i call it, THE SUPER PEN).
anyway, i also sent some pictures i took and a 'sexual letter' i wrote him!!! oh i hope he 'enjoys it )**
so as i'm paying for this, i realize i want to send him a playboy magazine....
so i lean over to the BIG black men and whisper "can i also have a [i]playboy[/i] magazine?"
tell me why he just stood there... FROZEN staring at me. as if it wasn't difficult enough to have to explain to the male Marine behind me that it wasn't for me, but rather for my HUSBAND.
oh man..
fuck it!
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| WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?! |
| 03.10.04 (9:59 am) [edit] |
So...
I won't go into details about what happened yesterday, but let's just say that i went to sleep with a smile on my face*lol
remember me bitching a few weeks ago cause i couldn't get 'in touch with myself'?
let's just say that i was too 'enthusiastic' lately to hold anything back this time.
oh man.... (let me stop)*
I COULD NOT BELEIVE IT! i have NEVER, been able to get there... by myself that is.
all i can say is... who needs men?!
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| not just words* |
| 03.09.04 (5:09 pm) [edit] |
*i usually write about other people- never do i put something written to me...
but i can't hold on to this*
here it is*
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If I should trail the memory of your body with my lips would you stop the chills that have always been there
If I should trail the memory of our kiss with my hands would you stop the want that you caused in me
If I should lay my head on your legs and wrap my arms around you would you stop the need that we have for each other
Would it be so simple knowing what we know now to stop anything
That look in your eyes always saying stay but your words always told me to go
If I could rescue you from every pain even if it didn¹t last forever would you still fight me
If we could get lost under the moon while our passion crashed against each other would you still say no
If for a second I could have you hear
I would lay you down and give you my soul
Even if it hurt when you had to go
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| today is super MOTTO day* |
| 03.09.04 (10:07 am) [edit] |
I have a few things to say today. mostly about the Marine Corps.
Outside on the big plain field of green grass is half my office learning their 'Marine Corps Kung Fu', or how they like to call it, "gray belt training". I would be out there but i already have my grey belt. To tell you the truth, it doesn't really do shit if you don't keep practicing it... cause God knows i don't remember anything except for the ground fighting... but that's just rolling around with a guy twice your size trying to get out of him kicking your ass...
Females, i can handle... FUCK THEM BITCHES! BRING IT!!
males, that's a different story... let me just say that i took the gray belt with my hubby in the class. And this bastard was the ONLY ONE to dislocate my shoulder!! OH YEAH... HE PAID FOR THAT ONE (home alone)* Because just guess who's gonna take care of poor little criple me... YEAH!!!
Anyway- as i dropped the baby off at the babysitter, driving to work, and smoking my dose of morning sunshine, i saw the most motto thing i have seen in the time i've been here. In the volley ball fields, across from the gym (hey silent you remember "GET IT, GET IT!!") I saw a group of Marines playing volleyball in their 'green on green' pt gear, and guess what people!?!? GAS MASKS!!!!!
LMAO!!!
"was it for shits and giggles?!?" asked J Rod
"UMmMm, i hope so.. it was VOLLEYBALL!!" I SAID
well since i'm on the whole motto subject thing, may i just add that i LOVE it in the mornings when Colors goes off...
EVERYTHING stops...
I mean, EVERYTHING. The cars don't drive, the training ceases (which it doesn't have to) and people just stand saluting the flag (or the music).
BEAUTIFUL...
okay, that's all for folks!!
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| A letter to my husband |
| 03.08.04 (2:18 pm) [edit] |
Dear Lover;
"I guess you never really know how much you miss a person, until they're gone". The phrase that hunts me each single night on my half empty bed.
"I wonder how they do it!" I say to myself about other couples separated by some type of deployment. I soppousse the same way you and I...
[b]I've mistakens some feelings of love and lust. [/b] Missing the company of the one you love...
And then you call, and my heart skips a beat. I bite my lips thinking of being held by you. And close my eyes as i consume the beauty of your voice.
"how's my little man?" you ask. My tears fall... It feels like freedom from the pain some one else left- The excitement in me fills the room and all that sorrounds me. And i can feel my life live again.
How i've been blessed. All along worried of being held in punishment I confused the hate-
No more hate... I HAVE BEEN BLESSED*
... you're still here)*
And the more i heard your voice, the words kept tumbling walls i built instead. And i begged, "Baby please come home..."
You chuckled your sexy laugh... I licked my lips again, and you said "I promise i won't do this again."
With my eyes closed i layed in bed... I don't want to see you gone. Breathing parts of you so hard, so deep, for a moment there i knew you were with me. I touched my skin, as you spoke about leaving kisses on my neck. I heard my echo as i said "Please, talk some more to me".
I wanted to reach through that tortured phone, that kept hearing our desperate voices in love.
Tears fell some more, I'm growing weary from being apart.
"baby, all i need is you. I'm so happy when you're by my side..." Sounds like another love song- (there goes the story of my life...)
"I miss you baby" you keep saying to me. Seems to be the only phrase we've learned to say. "I'm hurting here... It's been so long"
I want to scream when i hear you say that. Now i want to sleep, and not wake up until you're here with me.
"I keep thinking about our last weekend together" I can actually relive the the days by just saying it. The image's imprinted in my mind.
I'm going to sleep... Hopefully we'll meet in our dreams...
love you
me
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| GOod Times! GoOd TimEsS! |
| 03.08.04 (9:42 am) [edit] |
Gigi called me yesterday to tell me she developed the pictures from Friday night....
She was laughing when she told me, so i automatically knew it was gonna be topic of conversation for a long time when everybody else sees them*
"oOoooh, that one's SslutTy!!!" says Dirty as i'm going trhough them. "Oh Yeah, that one too..."
Just tell me which one isn't. Even the one with Gonzo posing 'gay' was slutty... lol
Well these pics, i'm blaming on Gigi. Let me explain...
On Friday my office went to the beach in the afternoon. It was "aloha Friday". I had a really good time by the way* On my way back, to pick up my baby and drop off some people, I stopped by Gonzo's room to smoke a cigarette with him. In that, Gigi gets there. In her "porno looking secretary clothes". Yes people, she dressed conservative for her "fridays is civis" day, and STILL she looked like a PORN star. (Hey kitty kitty kitty)*
Well, we try to get something together because neither of us is going on the Pub Crawl. So we decide to just come over to Gonzo's room and drink a few beers... (Parrot Bay for Gigi). Well, we do...
However, Gigi brings a camera... AND LOLLIPOPS!?!??!?!
Well, you know what happens when you put three girls (Leti, Gigi, and me) and one guy (Gonzo) with alcohol and 'lollipops' (?!?!?!??!!)
I'm just saying i did rip some of the pictures up (just in case)!!
GOod Times! GoOd TimEsS!
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| my readings... |
| 03.04.04 (3:21 pm) [edit] |
[b]
sooOo, if you know me, you would certainly agree that this may be me..
i know me-
i think it was pretty damn close[/b]
Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others
You meet life head on and throw yourself into new experiences with zest and enthusiasm. You are direct, straightforward, assertive, and usually completely aboveboard in all your dealings. Candid and incapable of guile, insincerity or phoniness, you project a confident and sometimes arrogant appearance to others. You often lack tact and sensitivity, and can be completely oblivious to others' needs, and inadvertently selfish. You are self-reliant and don't depend upon social approval and reinforcement as much as other people do. You like to be original and do not mind going it alone. You may feel that you do not fit into groups very well, and that you do not naturally blend in and cooperate with others very easily. You like to be either a leader or a loner.
Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation
You are a freedom-loving, strong-willed, and independent-minded individual, and you insist upon living your own life as you see fit, even if that means ignoring convention and tradition. In personal relationships you cannot be owned or possessed, and while you are willing to share yourself with another, you do not always adjust easily to the emotional give and take of a close relationship. Though intellectually open, you can be enormously stubborn, opinionated, and inflexible on a one-to-one level. You have strong convictions and feelings about fairness and equality, and you try to live by your ideals, but your ideals about how people SHOULD treat one another don't always take into account human weaknesses, differences, and needs. You probably dislike sentimentality and traditional gender roles and "games".
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| i miss him so much... |
| 03.02.04 (2:38 pm) [edit] |
I miss my husband…
I miss him late at night when I lay on my bed… alone. His strong arms wrapped around my small weak body. I miss his lips kissing my forehead and promising his love.
I miss him in the mornings when I wake up, running around the house trying to get it all done in ½ hour. Playing games and telling jokes.
I miss him in the afternoons when I get home. The way I always tricked him into ‘cooking’ (sandwiches).
I miss him so much.
I miss grocery shopping for hours on hours. The way he looks at the nutrition facts of all the things we get and says, “this is good for you” as he puts it in the cart.
I miss his hands, his chest, his lips.
I miss his sad eyes and all his bliss…
I miss him singing to me, the same old song of “The three Kings”. (Lol)
I miss him so much.
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| DAMAGED |
| 03.02.04 (12:40 pm) [edit] |
Dreaming comes so easily
Cause it's all that i've known
True love is a fairytale
I'm damaged, so how would I know?
I'm scared and i'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Won't let anyone get close to me
I'm damaged, as i'm sure you know
I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
There's only for my soul
And undo this fear
Forgiveness for a man
Who was stronger
I was just a little girl
But I can't look back
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
Can't go back...
Can't go back...
Can't go back...
Can't go back...
I can't go back...
I can't go back...
I can't go back..
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on....
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| this weekend |
| 03.01.04 (11:46 am) [edit] |
We never did see Dirty Dancing (Havana Nights), which Gwen says it’s a bad idea to make a sequel of the first one. Now, let me explain, this girl has problems. She reads romantic novels but has a problem somehow, with romantic movies, and musicals. I think she’s faking the funk!!
I once asked her to watch Moulin Rouge with me (which by the way, I think it’s one of the best films ever made… romantic wise). Anyway, she ranted and raved and bitched like the time me and Jen tried to put light blue eye shadow on her. Which by the way, looked very nice on her and she ended up trying to show it off all night. But, back to the story, she did NOT want to watch a movie. Finally, when she did see it, she thought it was the most wonderful movie in the world. As a matter of fact, she tried to make it her favorite, (but NO gwen,that's MY movie!, you find yourself another favorite!)*
So rule #7 is she's not aloud to judge ANY movie unless she sees it first!
Anyway, we went to see The Passion of the Christ. OMG!!! I was balling! like.. sobbing, LOUD! i couldn't control myself.. Especially the part were the Mary ran to him.. when he fell with the Cross... ahhh...
i recommend it. GOOD MOVIE! Graphic though...
That movie thouched my heart. A man that would go through the pain and torture to save 'ME AND MY SINS'...
(God please forgive me)*
We still gotta go see Dirty Dancing though*.
I went to the mall yesterday and spent a whole lot of money. OH!! and the underwears! ahhh.. nice*
I have also been thinking about re-enlisting. As a career planner... Not sure yet..
i want to go to school, but i'm all about the party* I don't think i'll ever make it to class... lol
Trickster called me and 'i picked up the phone' (lol)*. I bitched like i had no one to bitch at... sorry beibi)*
My baby drove my crazy all weekend. the little shit wouldn't stop crying... AGGGHHH! (thank God for work!)
It's been 4 days since my husband called.. I miss him. It's not easy taking care of a baby by myself... (how do you do it fudgeface?)
I miss silent...
i'm lonely, bored and spending lots of cash- that i don't have*
and vanative got promoted!!! CONGRATULATIONS. (i hope your foot stops throbbing. go get that looked at.
... and that's all folks!
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Leaving is the longest word I ever learned
In the time it takes to say it, the whole world has turned
If a heartbeat lasts a lifetime then I've lived before
`cause I remember standing at this open door
This path is not the one I'd choose to travel
Even as we watch what tied us unravel
And the tears fall like rain
Deeper than crying, the loving still remains
Neither wants to be the one to say goodbye
And neither wants to be the one who's left to cry
But in our secret heart of hearts we both know
That the time for patching up has passed and it's time to go
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